“Asking for help isn’t giving up, it’s refusing to give up.”
Horse.
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse; Charlie Mackesy
So much of the emotional distress we attach to one thing can be connected to others.
More often than not everything is linked in some way, and we only realise this by talking it through. This makes it hard for me to write a definitive list of single issues that I can help you with. However, this should give you an idea of the areas in which I can help.
Addiction & addictive behaviours
Say the word addiction and most of us think of drugs and alcohol. While these are commonplace addictions, there are others: gambling, smoking, sex, co-dependency, internet, healthy eating and more. An addiction is generally to something (doing, taking, using) over which you no longer have control. Therapy can help re-introduce that control and explores underlying reasons for addiction.
Anxiety
People get anxious but Anxiety is more than occasional, manageable, anxious feelings. Issues such as Generalised Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Phobias and Panic Disorders are all forms of Anxiety. We can explore anxious feelings and more significant Anxiety, introducing coping mechanisms and an understanding of where these feelings might come from.
Assertiveness & boundary setting
In busy, complicated lives we often find we have conflicting commitments, desires and ambitions. Prioritising sounds like a simple task, but when we are pulled in different directions, it is easy to forget what is important to us. Sometimes, we realise we have spent a lifetime doing what others want or need. Work in this area helps us understand where our own priorities lie, when to say yes and how to say no.
Bereavement, grief & loss
There is no ‘normal’ when it comes to dealing with death and other significant losses. Very often, feelings of anger, guilt or denial come in waves, and when they are least expected. Feeling fine one minute and overwhelmed the next, is OK. Grief is a natural response to loss and talking therapies may help. Being listened to – or being heard – at a time of grief means we can share and sit with our feelings, without judgement, in a safe space.
Career, work & study issues
Sometimes we need help figuring out where to go and what to do next, or even, if we are doing what’s right for us right now. Sometimes we need reminding of what we are good at, what we are passionate about and where we want this to take us. Sometimes, we have lost our confidence and need help finding it again. Sessions here could include healing and understanding, alongside solution-focused and coaching techniques.
Depression
People experience depression in in different ways; many describe it as a deep feeling of being stuck or being trapped. Low moods are normal feelings that can come and go, but depression feels like it is here to stay. Depression is often linked to a loss of hope or feeling of helplessness. Therapy can explore how the depression is making us feel and act, how to cope on a day-to-day basis and, perhaps, where its roots may lie.
Gender identity & sexuality
Gender identity and sexuality are often grouped together but gender identity (how we feel about and describe ourselves) is different to sexuality (how we find ourselves attracted to others). Often society and the media confuse and conflate the two which, on top of historical prejudice, can lead to a lack of understanding or empathy. Therapy can help explore feelings in a safe and non-judgemental space, build confidence and self-acceptance.
Relationships
This is such a huge heading. It could almost warrant a whole page in itself. Our lives are defined by our relationships – with ourselves, with those closest to us and with society. All the other issues here will be impacted by our relationships and we can find we repeat patterns from our past relationships in those of today. I don’t counsel families or work with couples, but I can help you make sense of any relationships – past or present – that aren’t quite working for you.
Self-esteem & confidence
Some people have lived so long with a negative self-concept, self-doubt and repeating negative self-talk that they think everyone feels the same way. It is true that we can all doubt ourselves, but most find ways to back themselves too. Suffering low self-esteem and a lack of confidence can be debilitating, but it doesn’t have to be. Figuring out what we need, want and deserve, through therapy, can be like turning the lights on in a dark room.
Self-harm
Self-harm is so often kept secret. It can also be misunderstood by friends and relatives as an attempt to end your life when actually it is more than likely a way to cope with being alive. Exploring the emotional reasons behind self-harm – be it a loss of control, a feeling of abandonment, or anything else – can be helpful in three ways: to reach an understanding of why, to rebuild self-esteem, and to find alternative ways of coping with life.
Shame & guilt
It is so important to untangle shame and guilt. We all do things we need to say sorry for and feeling a little guilty or remorseful is healthy; we need to be able to identify those things, make our apologies and move on. The problems come when we feel we are fundamentally bad or unlovable; when we are ashamed. Often, the root causes of this feeling are buried so deeply within us that we can’t separate them from our sense of who we are. Therapeutic work here can be tough, but hugely liberating
Stress
We live in a curious world where a stressful life is sometimes seen as a badge of honour – something to be proud that we can cope with. It is also a natural state and can drive us to do our best. But stress is different for all of us; something calming to one person can be stressful to another. Counselling can help us understand what triggers our own stress, how to respond to it, and how to make choices that are right for ourselves.